Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
