The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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