I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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