Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
