That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
