Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
