I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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