I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
