I've blown a few things in my day
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize