You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
