sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
