is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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