I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
