Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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