It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
