i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
