Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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