Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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