they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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