I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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