Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The best revenge is premature balding
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My vagina is officially offended.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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