God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
