Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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