Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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