I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
