i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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