Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What happened to fro yo and sex?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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