so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
