I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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