i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
