I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
