i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
