So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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