You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
