just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
