He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
