you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
