wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
