im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
