these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
