they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I would ride that face into the sunset
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
