youre lurking in front of me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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