I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
