dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
