I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
