Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
