i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
