I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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