THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
