We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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